Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Wordful Wednesday: An Update

I haven't posted in a week and my last post wasn't the most upbeat that's for sure (if you missed it and you're interested, you can read about my postpartum depression here). I didn't want everyone to think I'm a big ball of depressed mess, so I thought I'd give ya'll an update on the situation at this house of crazies.

Big brother Elliot, adoring his little sister
I've actually gotten into the swing of things pretty fast, mothering 3 kids instead of 2. The hubs has been back to work for a week (today is his birthday actually, happy birthday hubs!) and I don't feel nearly as overwhelmed as I did a week ago. Yes, the stress level can still be high at times when I have a crying newborn that I can't pick up because I'm dealing with a 2 year old's poopy diaper or a fight between brothers or a cat that's being horrifically tortured by the 2 year old......but the stress is only temporary.

I've found my biggest problem to be my patience. I find myself so quick to raise my voice at my boys {though fighting, torturing a cat, hitting their sister with a toy etc is grounds for raising my voice in my opinion....} and I would really feel better at the end of the day if I did that less. That was my goal for today actually, to not yell. I've done pretty good =)

I am still fighting the depression but it's not nearly as bad as it was. I find myself having more good times than bad. My back hurts like a mother at the end of the day from either carrying Gwen around in my arms or in a sling, but I try to keep a good outlook on the pain and tell myself I'm creating more muscles in my back  =)
This is how I spend most of the day, keeping busy with a newborn in a sling {thanks to my sister for making the sling!}

Everyone is finally starting to get healthy. My biggest fear came true and Gwen ended up getting pretty sick, but I'm so grateful she never spiked a fever and didn't have to go back to the doctor. Just a lot of sleepless nights on the couch sucking out her nose with a bulb syringe.

So, that's my update. I'm hanging in there and really appreciate all of the support I received through my last post. Thank you all for your kind words and offers for help. Here's to more upbeat posts in the near future!

{this post is linked with parenting BY dummies for Wordful/Wordless Wednesday}


Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Things I can't say: Postpartum Depression

This post is very hard for me to write. I am a proud person who doesn't like to admit when things are tough. But that is exactly what I am about to do.

Today the hubs went back to work after being home for 3 weeks while I recovered from my c-section {still working on that part} and to help out with the boys {which he did incredibly well, I am so immensely grateful for him. I love you hubs. I couldn't do any of this without you by my side.} My wonderful mother came over for 3 hours this morning so I could take a shower and not have to worry about the boys harming the new girl {you are amazing mom, thank you for all that you've done for me these past few weeks.} Other than those 3 hours, I've been doing it on my own. I knew this would be hard. It's not much worse than I expected really, it's just hard.

There are a few things that are making this harder on me than I expected though.

My {almost} 2 year old has a double ear infection, a runny nose and a cough. He is having an incredibly hard time with the fact he isn't the baby anymore. He isn't taking this out on his new sister {thank goodness} he's taking it out on me. That's hard. Really hard for me.

My {almost} 4 year old woke up this morning with an extreme runny nose and a horrid cough and spent most of the morning coughing in his newborn sisters face any chance he could get. I highly doubt he was doing this to harm her, it's just how it was happening. He is also having a very hard time adjusting to a new sister and is also taking it out on me {and his little brother.} Thankfully, he adores his little sister. I just wish he could actually be close to her when he wants to, but he can't because he's sick. And I'm terrified of the baby getting sick.

Then there's Gwen. My wonderful 3 week old {today} daughter. This is the part that is making my days even harder {and I wasn't planning on writing about this, but here it goes.} On Monday, we went to the pediatrician for a typical well-check and we ended the appt. with the pediatrician taking pictures of Gwen's beautiful face and saying she's a bit concerned about her stork bites/birth marks/whatever you usually call them and wants to make sure they aren't associated with a brain hemangioma. Gwen may need to have an MRI at 4 months. I have been crying over this for 3 days now. The fact that something could possibly be wrong with my beautiful new baby is more than I can handle. The Dr. then tells me not to stress out, but all I hear are the words "broken blood vessel in the brain" "MRI" "sedation." I don't hear: "I'm just being cautious, I just want someone who has more experience with this to take a look {shes's going to see a dermatologist in the next few weeks}. It could just be stork bites but I want to make sure." Of course I don't hold on to those words. I hold onto the horrible scary words. Yes there are the good things: they're being cautious, if it really is anything at least they're being proactive about it yadda yadda yadda.

But I'm dealing with horrible postpartum depression here. This news, on top of a 2 year old with double ear infections who is mad at me because he's not the baby anymore and a 4 year old who is sick and mad at me too just feels like too much.

Some minutes {yes minutes, not even hours or days} I feel amazing. Like a true superwoman. Like I can do this, I can change diapers and feed little people and keep the house clean and do it all with a smile and a cheerful heart. Other minutes I am a wreck and feel overwhelmed and sad and ugly and fat and horrible.

I know this is all very personal.
But I needed to get it out there.
Postpartum depression is something that happens to many many women.
And it's happening to me.
And I'm trying my best to keep it all together and ask for help when I need it.

I know this will all get better....eventually.
I know I am never given more than I can handle.
I know I have people who love me and support me.
Knowing all of this makes each day just a little bit more bearable.

Thanks for reading.
{This post is linked with Things I Can't Say for Pour Your Heart Out}


Saturday, March 17, 2012

Switchin' it up!

So, we've had the same gross ceiling fans in our house since we moved in 2.5 years ago. They are the same ones that were put in when the house was built in 1993. They're gross. Just gross. Old "oak" blades with 4 weird arms coming out of the center with really outdated and gross light fixtures attached {I wonder how many times I can use the word "gross" in this post?}

Anyway....a while back I was reading an article in Better Homes and Gardens about how you shouldn't have ceiling fans with light fixtures attached and I've been daydreaming about replacing our gross ones ever since.

Cause if a designer from Better Homes and Gardens Magazine says it, it's the law people. The law.

Well....we finally replaced them this week! Like a genius, I forgot to take a before picture until the hubs was already in the process of dismantling the old gross one, so you'll have to trust me on the grossness:
Before.....kind of.....


I LOVE it! It give the room a completely different feel, for reals. 

Alright, I need to go eat some corned beef and cabbage now. Have a great weekend!!!

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Wordless/Wordful Wednesday: A slumber party

We've got a newborn in the house

We call her out little smug...cause she's so smug
and a 2 year old with a high fever in the house
It's raining outside
So we had a slumber party in the living room
last night.

This is obviously not the child with the fever
Maybe we were just being lazy
And didn't want to wake up a million times
to check on the feverish one
But I'd like to think we're awesome
Cause what kid doesn't like
a slumber party?

{here's to a healthier day......thanks for stopping by!}

{oh! how could I forget, I'm linking up with Parenting BY Dummies for wordful/wordless Wednesday!}


Wednesday, March 7, 2012

listable life: 5 things I wish I'd known about being a parent

All this sitting-around-on-the-couch-recovering-from-a-csection has got me chomping at the bit with blogging ideas! Seriously, my blogging creativity that was lost around the 2nd trimester has come back big time, no, HUGE time (Elliot always asks me if he's a big boy and I say "no, you're a HUGE boy!" He loves it. I thought I'd throw that out there).

Today I'm linking up over at Moments that Define Life for the most awesome Listable Life post. I know I've said this before, but I'll say it again, I love lists. Love them. Huge time.

Today, I'm going with the prompt:

5 Things I Wish I'd Known About Being a Parent.

1. That a "schedule" can be changed very quickly.

2. That the list of "important" chores gets switched around drastically.
 Some days the biggest chore that gets done is putting mascara on. Seriously.

3. That saying I wasn't going to do it the same way 
my mom did it is a load of bull-honkey. 
I've come to realize the way my mom did things was pretty much awesome.

4. That I would be judged in some way, shape, or form
by out there. 
Good or bad. 
Big or ridiculously small. 
The mom-judgement thing is real people.
 I'm guilty of this too. It's horrible. But it's real and it happens and I'm not going to pretend that it doesn't.

5. That I would learn to trust myself more than I ever thought I could.
When I first became a mom, it seems like I was looking to anyone with more experience for advice. As time has gone on, I've come to realize trusting my instincts is okay and that I truly do know what's best for my family.

Thanks for stopping by! I love your comments and would love to hear any of your thoughts on what you wish you'd known before becoming a parent!


Wordful/Wordless Wednesday: Gwen!

1 week ago today 
(she's a leap year baby!!!)
Our little girl, Gwenyth, was born! 
Born 9:42 AM to the song "She's so Heavy" by The Beatles =)

7 pounds 7 ounces (our smallest baby!)

20.5 inches long and a full head of brown wavy hair

I'm a proud mama =)

linked with parenting BY dummies for Wordful Wednesday!